06 August 2020

Following the Blind Fischer

John: I may be broke, but I don’t want his crooked money! I always wondered how he could travel around Europe on a bank janitor’s salary.

Blanche: He isn’t a bank janitor at all. He’s one of the shrewdest manipulators in Canada. How do you think he got his title?

John: What title?

Blanche: You know as well as I do my uncle was knighted for his operations in the stock market.

John: It was the black market! And he wasn’t knighted, he was indicted!

Blanche: Well, whatever it was. He’s got money, and that’s all that counts.—The Bickersons

Clueless as ever, the Archbigot Brian Fischer is once again sounding off on topics way over his head and infinitely beyond his pay grade. Somehow he’s got it fixed in his little head that there’s a quick fix for the current pandemic, but sinister phantoms are keeping it from us. According to the Archbigot the Virology Journal—which he falsely claims is “the official publication of Dr. Fauci’s National Institutes of Health”—published in 2005 an article showing that hydroxychloroquine “functions as both a cure and a vaccine” for the present coronavirus. True, it wasn’t hydroxychloroquine but chloroquine, and it wasn’t COVID-19 but SARS, but those are just details. “While not exactly the same virus as SARS-CoV-1,” the Archbigot airily assures us, “it is genetically related to it, and shares 79% of its genome, as the name SARS-CoV-2 implies.” About as close as human beings are to cows, therefore. And likewise hydroxychloroquine and chloroquine are related, but hardly identical.

Worse than that, the article did not demonstrate (or assert for that matter) that chloroquine was effective against SARS; it merely pointed to that possibility. And none of this had anything to do with Dr. Anthony Fauci, regardless of the Archbigot’s little song and dance around the topic. In fact none of the eight authors had any connection with the NIH, though Fischer keeps calling them NIH researchers.

So in essence Archbigot Brian Fischer is screaming “FIRE” at the top of his lungs in an overcrowded theater. In a sane society his handlers would discreetly take him away to a padded cell somewhere where he could do no further damage, either to himself or others.

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