s it turned out I wasted part of the day writing a piece about Alabama’s next senator—a fellow who believes that the passage of the thirteenth amendment to the constitution (abolishing slavery) was a mistake, that a Muslim cannot hold office in America because of the constitutional requirement of being sworn in on a Bible, that Joseph Story’s bizarre exegesis of the first amendment (based on Story’s misreading or misrepresentation of the congressional debates) is valid, and apparently that it is perfectly acceptable for a man in his thirties to make sexual advances to a fourteen-year-old—and what it means for the state and the nation. Unfortunately—or rather fortunately—none of this is true. Apparently Alabama’s next senator is a guy named Doug Jones about whom all I know is that he successfully prosecuted two of those scumbag terrorists who murdered four girls about my age in Birmingham in 1963 as a protest in favor of racial discrimination.
But I feel confident that we haven’t heard the last of the other guy. I imagine the Fake President will find some place for him in the government—Supreme Court, maybe? Ambassador to Saudi Arabia? Some place where he can do real damage to his country, anyway.