Five Authors, a Plagiarist, and a Prophet

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ow that I am bereft of my library (collected over half a century), my notes (some going back to childhood), and my photocopies (going back at least to high school), I find myself constantly going back to the sometimes dubious resources of Wikipedia. Mind you, it’s improved enormously since I first looked at it years ago, when its articles appeared to be written by junior high school kids doing unwelcome assignments and off-base more often than on.

Looking over the piece on the day (26 November) I was struck by how many people I have some interest in happened to be born today. (That’s probably true of virtually any day, really; today just happened to strike me for whatever reason.) Thus we see that Theophilus Cibber, Colley Cibber’s son, was born on this date in 1703. Among other things he adapted Romeo and Juliet for the tastes of the Restoration theater. His is not the famous adaptation (that would be Otway’s Caius Marius) nor the one that held the stage the longest (that would be Garrick’s version), but it is part of the era’s dramatic history. I remember making a special trip to read it years ago in some library’s rare book room; now you can download it from Google Books.

On this date in 1731 William Cowper was born. This guy was a poet, whose seminal work The Task would influence writers as diverse as Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Jane Austen. There’s a passage in it where he talks about “sober dreamers, grave and wise” who, for example, “write a narrative of wars and feats | of heroes little known, and call the rant, | An history.” (Guilty.) He passes on to biographers who “disentangle from the puzzled skein | In which obscurity has wrapp'd them up, | The threads of politic and shrewd design | That ran through all his purposes…” And my favorite, geologists who “driill and bore | The solid earth, and from the strata there | Extract a register, by which we learn | That he who mamde it and reveal'd its date | To Moses, was mistaken in its age.” (I love his confidence that it is the geologists who are mistaken, rather than those who vainly imagine that an ancient anthology of the folk tales of an obscure people is actually word from on high.) And then there are astronomers who “tell us whence the stars. Why some are fixt | And planetary some. What gave them first | Rotation, from what fountain flow'd their light.” (Their intellectual descendants have recently landed a probe on a comet. I wonder what Cowper would make of that.) It's all “learned dust” to Cowper: “And thus they spend | The little wick of life's poor shallow lamp, | In playing tricks with nature, giving laws | To distant world's, and trifling in their own.” I think we may well disagree about who was actually trifling here.

And speaking of triflers, it was on this date in 1827 that Ellen G. White, prophet and plagiarist, was born. It was during the wreckage of William Miller’s pipe-dreams in 1844 that she first came to notice with prophecies of reassurance for the scattered faithful. Largely copied from obscure pamphlets and forgotten tomes, they eventually grew into books themselves, such as the bizarre phantasmagoria The Great Controversy. (Although her copying of the works of others is well-documented, Wikipedia currently treats the fact as though there was some doubt about it. Power to the people, I guess.) White got a section in my lost book Doubtful History (a book to which I devoted countless hours of research and writing and which my family threw out like so much trash) due to her fantastic historical notions; when writing about the purely imaginary christians who supposedly kept her unhistorical faith she noted “The history of God’s people during the ages of darkness that followed upon Rome’s supremacy, is written in Heaven. But they have little place in human records. Few traces of their existence can be found ….” Faith like that moves mountains I guess—on paper, anyway.

On the other end of the human spectrum we have a true prophet, Norbert Wiener, born on this date in 1894. One of his books—I believe it must have been Cybernetics: Or Control and Communication in the Animal and the Machine, was an enormous influence on my thinking when I was twelve or so. I never owned a copy of it, and the library refused to let me check it out (it’s too difficult for you, one librarian kindly explained), so I mostly read it there, taking notes and committing ideas to memory. I was originally interested in using feedback to design mechanisms that could mimic living organisms; I got intrigued with the whole notion of similarities among systems whether mechanical, organic, or social.

Also born on this date were Eugène Ionesco (1909), Frederik Pohl (1919), and Charles M. Schulz (1922)—a playwright, a novelist, and a cartoonist. Rhinoceros reflected my sense of detachment from the madness of surrounding society, Gladiator-at-Law (written with Cyril Kornbluth) my feelings abotut its power-structure, and But We Love You, Charlie Brown my impressions of the tragedy of life (“The laughter of little children” my ass). All of them moved me in some way to some degree during my (shall we say?) childhood. (Well, I think I was fourteen when I read Rhinoceros.)

None of these people maybe have anything real in common, only the false connection of sharing a common date of birth. But what the hell—it gave me something write about something to distract me from the horror of the present, during the dark hours when I should have been sleeping.

“I Am Darren Wilson”

Lt. Ray Albers (from Wikipedia)

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s the grand jury has finished up going through its appointed motions in the whitewashing of Darren Wilson, the police officer who shot and killed an unarmed teenage boy in Ferguson Missouri, officers throughout the United States have been proclaiming their solidarity with the killer cop by putting out the logo, “I am Darren Wilson.” It seems like an odd point of pride. Are they also confessing—perhaps boasting—of the unarmed civilians they’ve killed? Or announcing their intention of killing unarmed civilians in the future? Or asserting their right to open fire on random members of the public? Or what?

I’ve got to say that I’m not really interested in what was going through Darren Wilson’s mind at the time of the incident, or what exact events led up to it. I’m not interested in whether the victim was a strong-arm robber or a model college-bound student. I’ll leave it to others to wade through the thousand pages of whitewash produced by the world’s worst stage-conjurer. (I can see the wires, goddamn it!) I don’t care that the laws of Missouri apparently allow an officer to use lethal force to effect an arrest. This killing shouldn’t have happened. It is a law-enforcement failure.

The focus shouldn’t be on Darren Wilson at all. The focus should be on reforming the Missouri systems—legal and otherwise—that allowed things to come to this pass.

Pigs for Cronus, Goats for Dionysus

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nd so as we wind down the road of darkness this year toward the inevitable winter solstice (at least those of us in the Northern Hemisphere) we come to the Roman holiday of Bruma, celebrated on this day in the time of Tertullian, a sort of bleak harbinger of the darker days to come. As time went on the Bruma was expanded to the Brumalia, a twenty-four day era ending neatly with the beginning of Saturnalia. I suppose in a primarily agricultural society you’ve got to invent things to do during the fallow times.

As there were twenty-four letters in the Greek alphabet each of the days could be correlated with one of them, and the custom was to throw a dinner for people whose name began with that letter. I don’t know how this worked in practice; it seems unlikely that a person would necessarily have only one friend with a name beginning with delta, for example. The prospect opens for slights and hurt feelings that could outlast the joyous season well into the darkness beyond.

But as far as I can tell the old pre-Byzantine festival was confined to this single day, and involved no such complicated scheme. I could easily be wrong; I’ve never looked at the primary sources on this thing, but have only accepted what standard reference works and stray scraps of forgotten papers have to say.

Sixth-century pop-historian John of Lydia tells us some interesting details of the thing. Farmers, he wrote, sacrificed pigs to Cronus and Demeter, civic officials would collect wine and honey and olive oil “and as many [products] of trees as endure and are preserved” for the priests of the Great Mother, and the vine-dressers—well, they had a bizarre custom. In honor of Dionysus they would kill goats, skin them, fill the skins with air and jump on them. Their excuse was that “the goat is the enemy of the vine”. It probably made some sort of sense at the time.

The festivities, he wrote, took place at night—not because the nights were long and the hours of darkness exceeded the hours of light, but because “in truth, the Brumalia are festivals of the subterranean daemones.” Nice to have a scientific explanation.

Darkness and Bullshit

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he more people know about what’s happening, the harder it is to control them,” Lao-Tse put it two and a half millennia ago or so. And make no mistake about it—he was on the side of keeping people in the dark and feeding them bullshit. Lao-Tse would have hated the internet. How do you keep people in the dark when they can find out what is going on with the click of a button? You can still baffle them with crap, of course, burying key information under tons of of garbage, as the mad tea-partiers have figured out, but it is a problem that remains to be resolved in human affairs, as Judge Story might have observed, whether a nation can be permanent where keeping people uninformed and suppressing information constitute no part of the policy or duty of the state in any assignable state. Future experience should settle the problem, I suppose.

Today is the International Day to End Impunity on the five-year anniversary of a mass murder in the Philippines in which thirty-four correspondents, editors, cameramen, writers, and other journalists were murdered by supporters of a thuggish politician who apparently figured this was the best way to influence the vote. (Mad tea-partiers take note! Why stop with merely suppressing the vote, when murder can put an end to voting altogether?) Their party seems to have expelled the (alleged) perpertrators, and the trial is still going on, despite the diminishing list of witnesses, whose mysterious murders continue to plague the prosecution.

According to the official site the day is intended “to demand accountability for the journalists, media workers, activists, lawyers and many others who have been targeted for exercising their right to freedom of expression, and empower organisations, government bodies and individuals to help dismantle systems of impunity around the world.” It’s an uphill struggle. I live in a country where impunity is handed out like party favors to corrupt prosecutors who connive to sent the innocent to the death chamber, to high officials who order prisoners tortured in the name of national security, to companies that spy on their customers illegally at the behest of shady politicians, to celebrities who drug and rape young women for their private amusement, to businesses that poison our air and rivers and oceans, to criminals of all stripes and breeds and credos. It’s some comfort that the US hasn’t descended to the depths of the Philippines, I guess, but I’d feel a lot better if the city set on a hill was a beacon of light, rather than a den of darkness.

The Broken Earphones Crisis

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ords are failing me. It’s the end of another wasted day, in which the main feature has been the broken earphones crisis, which has forced me and one of my roommates to share earphones much in the manner the Graeae used to share their common eye. It’s raining here in Portland, and water runs over the sidewalks and into the gutters like small but substantial streams. That doesn’t affect me much here in my basement suite, but I know it’s going on, and the damp seeps in at least in spirit, if not in the physical realm.

And words continue to fail me. They’ve been failing me now for at least two years; as though my access to the realm of symbols had been somehow cut off—nonpayment of dues or something. Having my library tucked away in some metal chamber in a different state doesn’t help either. I reach for familiar volumes that aren’t here, and honestly the internet doesn’t help much in this. I had those volumes for a reason, and at least one of them is that the information in them isn’t readily available in other forms.

I keep hoping the words will come back. They haven’t so far, and forcing them to dance for me isn’t really working either. Things fall apart; the center cannot hold; and so it goes. Maybe tomorrow. Sorry about that.

Quotation of the Day

… the Reagan Administration’s economics team regarded it as a good thing all those families were losing their livelihoods and their homes because it was weeding out the “inefficient.” Ronald Reagan, the great Nostalgic, champion of traditional, small town, family values, supposedly leading America back to the glorious days of his own idyllic boyhood in an America defined by small towns and family farms, friendly Main Streets and crowded church pews, was, with his patented genial chuckle, presiding over an epidemic of foreclosures, the economic devastation of many small towns and the shuttering of countless businesses on every Main Street across Iowa, and the overwhelming of churches’ ability to help the inefficient among their congregants. … those “wonderful” food pantries and clothing drives were helping people who only a year before were hardworking, self-reliant members of the middle class put food on their tables and bundle up their kids in jackets and coats, hats and mittens before sending them out to wait for the bus in the cold and dark of a Midwestern winter made colder and darker by the need to turn off the lights and turn down the heat in order to save on the heating and electric bill.

Lance Mannion (“Joni Ernst’s Iowa Dystopia”)

Thought for the Day

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oday is Transgender Day Of Remembrance. Since last TDoR, over 200 women like me were killed for being who we are … If you can take your gender identity for granted, it is a privilege. If you don’t have to explain your anatomy or history to partners or even random people, all the while not knowing if they will react violently to your explanation, that is a privilege. … I have to hope that next year that fewer of my sisters will be murdered, fewer of us will be stalked, fewer of us will be harassed, and that the world will be a little less hostile to us.—Kat Haché (Thoughts on TDoR 2014)

Psycho-Killer, or Frightened Old Guy? What's the Difference?

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ome years back I was sitting quietly at home when a strange car pulled into my driveway. And when I say pulled into my driveway I don’t mean that it came up the driveway in a normal way—no, I mean it came through the hedge separating my driveway from the parking lot next door, taking out a small tree, crossed over my driveway, and finally came to rest at an angle across my front yard. It was about three in the morning.

Now I could have taken a gun, gone outside, and shot the driver. To judge from today’s reports that would be, apparently, a fairly reasonable thing for a frightened elderly person to do. At least, that’s what one Philip Sailors did, with considerably less reason than I had to be frightened, when a strange car pulled into his driveway in a normal fashion. And while the justice system didn’t exactly give him a medal for it, it did allow him to plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter—a mere $500.00 fine and a suspended sentence. Apparently it was important to keep this crazed loon out of jail for some reason.

According to news accounts it was about ten in the evening when the car pulled up into Sailors’ driveway. Inside were four young people, three of them high school students. Sailors looked out the window and saw the car.

Did he do what a sane person would do—go down and ask what the kids wanted, or whether they were lost or something? No. He did not. Did he do what a frightened elderly person would do, and call 911? Again, no. Not at all. No, he did what a psycho-killer in a bad movie might do—grabbed his gun, went outside, and started shooting as the car took off down the driveway in a futile attempt to escape. Then, to add to the deranged quality of it all, after killing the driver Sailors held the three high-school kids at gunpoint. According to one of them Sailors made no attempt to help the dying man.

The police arrived in response to two 911 calls, one from one of the kids in the car and another from a neighbor who had heard gunshots. Sailors claimed that he believed the high-school kids were home invaders and that the fleeing car was about to run him down. As a former missionary to Panama he ought to have been able to tell high-school kids out ice-skating from dangerous criminals. As a Vietnam veteran he should have been able to distinguish a car fleeing from a car approaching—you’d think. But no.

When the police arrived it came out that the driver had come to pick up another student at a nearby address. The car’s GPS system misdirected him to Sailors’ driveway. And Sailors was arrested for murder.

Sailors was reported to be grief-stricken—but he offered no apology when he accepted the plea deal that let him off with manslaughter. A news report says “Sailors did not want to comment after the hearing. He was surrounded by friends and family who came to the hearing as a show of support.” It also reported that he paid the victim’s family an undisclosed sum of money in settlement of a lawsuit. Nice.

Oh, yeah—for the record I did what a frightened elderly person would do—called 911 and waited. It turned out that the guy driving the car was not so much a crazed madman as a fellow who suffered a stroke, thus missing a turn and ending up in my yard. Probably just as well I didn’t shoot him, then.

Christianity and Common Law (guest post by Stevens and Brady)

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e have political Sabbaths, such as the 4th of July, and 22d of February. We reverence them as days of great political events. But we do not enforce their observance by legislation. But the act in question compels all to observe Sunday as a sacred day. To oblige men to refrain from labour out of regard to its holiness, is to “control” their religious observance, as much as if they were ordered to kneel before the altar, or the images of the Saints. And to all those who conscientiously believe that it is not a holy day—that it is not the true Sabbath of the Lord, it is an “interference” with, and a constraint of their rights of conscience. It is no answer to say that the day of rest should be uniform among all. If it were a mere civil regulation, there might be some reason in it; but then it would be made a day of recreation—of relaxation; and most probably those days would not come so frequently. The French, when they discarded its religious character, when they worshipped the Goddess of Reason, and provided only for the rest of the people, fixed the tenth day. But I suppose it requires no other argument than reading the several acts upon this subject, to prove that our legislation looks to enforcing the religious observance of the day. If the legislature can direct that religious observance, then there is no limit to their power over religious subjects. If they can direct the people to stay at home quietly, they can direct them to go to church, and if they can direct them to attend church, they can indicate the church to be attended. In short, if they have any power over religious subjects, they have all power. Such power would be a perfect union of church and state, so much abhorred by the people of this republic. It would inevitably lead to religious persecutions, and finally to civil and religious tyranny.

The doctrine that the “Christian religion is a part of the common, law,” is, I suppose, the foundation and justification of this act. That doctrine was promulgated in the worst times, and by the worst men of a government that avowedly united church aad state; in times when men were sent to the block or the stake on any frivolous charge of heresy. To deny transubstantiation or the supremacy of the Pope, was a capital offence under one reign; and to admit them was a capital offence under another. Men were punished as blasphemers for denying the divinity of our Saviour, because the “Christian religion was a part of the common law.” Men were executed in great numbers by the civil power for denying the real presence, because that was a part of the Christian religion—and the Christian religion was a part of the municipal law. When the Protestants gained the ascendancy, to believe in the real presence was contrary to the Christian religion, and therefore a violation of the law, and punished by the secular arm. For it is truly observed: “That no set of men were ever found willing to suffer martyrdom themselves for conscience’ sake, who would not inflict it upon others the moment they obtained power.”

As late as the nineteenth century, this pernicious doctrine led Lord Eldon to decide that Unitarians may be punished as blasphemers at common law, and not treated as Christians, notwithstanding the repeal of the statute of 9 and 10 Will. 3: 3 Merivale, 353, Atty. Genl. v. Pearson.

How dangerous, therefore, is the apparently pious doctrine that the “Christian religion is a part of the common law!” If it be true, all who disbelieve that religion are habitual breakers of the law. The Jew, the Hindoo, the Pagan, are perpetual malefactors. They, of course, are beyond the protection of the law, or continually subject to punishment for conscience’ sake. These consequences of the doctrine were very satisfactory to the English government, in its origin. They enabled the tyrants of the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries to find a convenient excuse for sending to the block any one who became obnoxious to them. If such tyrant were a Roman Catholic, the heresy of the reformation was sufficient. If he were a Protestant, adhering to the church of Rome was equally so. This lauded principle found ready advocates in such bloody tools of tyrants as Jeffries, Audley, and Rich.

What else was it but the doctrine “that the Christian religion. was a part of the law,” and to be enforced by the civil arm, that gave the Holy Inquisition such horrid force, and placed the civil and religious liberty, and the lives of nations of men, at the mercy of the bloodiest power that ever inflicted misery upon the human race, in the name of Demons or of Gods!

This eonvenient doctrine enabled Henry the Eighth to dispose of all whom he chose to call his enemies, whether they were learned and conscientious gentlemen, like Sir Thomas More, or were wives of whose beauty he was weary. His successor, after robbing all the Jews of the kingdom of all their wealth, either sent them to death or banished them from the empire. And he was right, if this principle be right, for they were always violating the law, and of course deserved punishment.

If this doctrine is to be the rule of action, where do you find its interpretation? Where are to be found adjudged decisions of what this law teaches, so that the people may escape the perils of its violation? Are they to be seen in the doings of the Council of Nice or the Diet of Augsburg? Are they in the bulls of Hildebrand or the writings of Luther? in the rigid doctrines of Calvin, or the more liberal opinions of Wesley? Does this part of the “common law” (adopted in Pennsylvania) command us to bow down before the image of the Virgin and the Saints; or, discarding all visible symbols, to worship the Unseen God? This doctrine must drive us for refuge to the infallible church of Rome, where the decrees of the Pope are the unerring rule of this part of the “common law.”

—Thaddeus Stevens and J. E. Brady, 1848

Quotation of the Day

Hitting on women at conferences who have made it clear that they don’t want to be hit on does not say, “Sex is awesome!” Making video games where all or most of the female characters are helpless victims or scantily-clad sexual prizes does not say, “Sex is awesome!” Getting women drunk or high so you can have sex with them does not say, “Sex is awesome!” Treating the idea of enthusiastic affirmative sexual consent as ridiculous does not say, “Sex is awesome!” The exact opposite is true. All of this says, “Sex is a minefield. Sex is a battleground.”

Greta Christina
(Notes from a Pornographer on Sexism)

International Day for Tolerance

Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can’t stand;
You can tolerate him if you try.—Tom Lehrer (National Brotherhood Week)

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olerance is rather an odd thing to promote as a virtue. To tolerate someone seems like the least—the very least—we can do. Tolerating something is putting up with it—an adult tolerating the screams of a child, a pet-owner tolerating his iguana crapping in the shower.

Noah Webster nailed the concept in his 1828 dictionary: “…the allowance of that which is not wholly approved”. Indeed. He goes on to define toleration is its then-current incarnation:

… the allowance of religious opinions and modes of worship in a state, when contrary to or different from those of the established church or belief. Toleration implies a right in the sovereign to control men in their opinions and worship, or it implies the actual exercise of power in such control. Where no power exists or none is assumed to establish a creed and a mode of worship, there can be no toleration, in the strict sense of the word, for one religious denomination has as good a right as another to the free enjoyment of its creed and worship.

So what place does toleration have in a world where “me and you is as good as anybody else, and maybe a damn sight better” (as H. L.Mencken put it, channeling Thomas Jefferson)? What business do I have to tolerate you, or you to tolerate me, unless one of us is in a position to dictate to the other? Mind you, living in a nation in which mad tea partiers fly into hysterical rage at the mere sight of a dark-skinned person voting, I am aware that for some people at least tolerance would be a good first step. Better would be the realization that you have no right to privileges you would deny to others.

The UN vision of tolerance (PDF) is a bit wider, however:

Tolerance is respect, acceptance and appreciation of the rich diversity of our world's cultures, our forms of expression and ways of being human. It is fostered by knowledge, openness, communication, and freedom of thought, conscience and belief. Tolerance is harmony in difference. It is not only a moral duty, it is also a political and legal requirement. Tolerance, the virtue that makes peace possible, contributes to the replacement of the culture of war by a culture of peace.

Further:

Tolerance is not concession, condescension or indulgence. Tolerance is, above all, an active attitude prompted by recognition of the universal human rights and fundamental freedoms of others. In no circumstance can it be used to justify infringements of these fundamental values. Tolerance is to be exercised by individuals, groups and States.

All right, all that seems pretty straightforward. Hard to take exception to, really, And yet there are those who somehow have managed that. Take this website from Kjos ministries, for example. It finds something sinister in the replacing intolerance with tolerance. “Can Christian children really ‘appreciate’ what God forbids?” it wants to know. The author seems to be especially worried that if “one's views are not to be imposed on others” it would mean the end of “shar[ing] the gospel”, and that “Christian moral values” might be “equated with violence”. (Why on earth would that be, unless the author feels that violence is somehow a vital part of Christian morality?) It appears there’s always some raving loon out there prepared to take exception to the blandest and most innocuous of statements.

Anyway, today is the International Day for Tolerance. Show your support. Let’s get out there and tolerate somebody.

Are We Bored Yet?

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 am in a foul mood this bleak Saturday in the 12014^th year of the Holocene Era. It’s cold out here, and icy winds knock down boughs and powerlines outside. Inside it’s not exactly toasty, but it’s quite warm, thank you, and I suppose I ought to count my blessings.

And one of those blessings is this page on a website called Reneland, “Where The Truth About Religion Is Told, Life In Los Alamos Is Remembered and Crimes Against Women Are Acknowledged”. Reneland sounds like a fun place—so how do I explain this inane entry, over two years old now, which makes some extraordinary claims about US religious history.

The author gets off to a rocky start by confusing the foundation of the nation (in the late eighteenth century) with the coming of the first settlers (early seventeenth century). There is a considerable difference. The first settlers did not found a nation. They set up colonies. The work of founding the nation belonged to a later generation.

She goes on to say “The freedom our founding fathers were in search of was the freedom to not be persecuted for their religious beliefs by the Catholic Church. By religious beliefs I mean Christianity, or better yet Protestantism.” This is bizarre. Puritans (for example) fled religious persecution by Anglicans, Catholics fled religious persecution by Huguenots, as well as various protestants fleeing Catholic persecution.

She then randomly flails away at a straw man who claims that the founders were not Christian—a belief held by nobody that I am aware of. (But the world is large, and there are many false beliefs. Nobody of any significance believes this anyway.) Yes, she is absolutely correct that the founders were white Christian men. And so?

But the ludicrous frosting on top of this half-baked cake is the following statement, made apparently in all seriousness:

There was no idea of any other non Christian religion, no religion, pagan or Jewish religion to any documents written when the forming of our government was happening.

I freely admit that I have no idea of what Reneland was trying to say, but the founders were quite aware of a variety of nonChristian religions, and wrote about them. George Washington, father of the country, explicitly included Judaism in the religious beliefs that were held by right, not by mere toleration. Other writers mentioned Hinduism and Islam as well. The idea that non-Christian religions were missing from “any documents written when the forming of our government was happening” is, to use one of her favorite words, ignorance.

And now come the golden sprinkles on this festive offering. “Let me give you some examples in the form of quotes by our founding fathers” Reneland writes. And of course you, my long-time readers (if any there be) know what is coming. A rich offering of fake quotes, misattributions, and other bizarrenesses. Let’s go:

First up, and by far the best of the offerings, are two quotations from John Adams. (Or from my viewpoint the worst, as they are legitimate. More or less.) The first:

I must not write a word to you about politics because you are a woman.

I actually don’t know why this one is here, or what the point of including it was. It comes from a letter to his wife Abigail (11 February 1779), and is part of an explanation of why he is avoiding a discussion of politics:

I must not write a word to you about politics, because you are a woman.

What an offence have I committed! A woman!

I shall soon make it up. I think women better than men, in general, and I know, that you can keep a secret as well as any man whatever. But the world don’t know this. Therefore if I were to write my sentiments to you, and the letter should be caught and hitched into a newspaper, the world would say, I was not to be trusted with a secret.

Of course Adams had learned about the danger of intercepted letters, to his cost. And then we have this one, a familiar out-of-context quotation from Adams’ 11 October 1798 reply to the officers of the first brigade of the third division of the Massachusetts militia, slightly misquoted:

Our Constitution was made only for the [sic] moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.

And now the real fun begins. Reneland lists three quotations attributed to George Washington, of which one is legitimate. The first is an over-familiar fake:

It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible.

As I’ve pointed out in the past, it first appeared in this form in 1893, and rests only on the word of a lawyer who never met Washington. Believe it if you like, but there’s no reason to think it authentic. This is White Queen country here. Our next is a lightly-mangled excerpt from Washington's Farewell Address:

Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that natural morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.

Here is the authentic passage:

Let it be simply asked, where is the security for property, for reputation, for life, if the sense of religious obligation desert the oaths which are the instruments of investigation in courts of justice? And let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principles.

It’s close, at least. The third and last is a ring-tailed doozy:

We are persuaded that good Christians will always be good citizens, and that where righteousness prevails among individuals the nation will be great and happy. Thus while just government protects all in their religious rights, true religion affords to government its surest support.

As I’ve pointed out before, these are not Washington’s words in the least; they are taken from a letter written to him—let me reiterate to him—by a group of religious leaders. Washington is no more responsible for them than for any other random assemblage of words directed to him in his long and illustrious life.

Next comes a John Quincy Adams quotation, or rather, a slight misquotation:

The highest glory of the American Revolution was this, it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity.

I’ve written about this one before. It’s basically legitimate, though it would be better to quote it directly from Adams, rather than from John Wingate Thornton. Also, John Quincy Adams isn’t really a founder.

Nor is James K. Polk, to whom this next mishmash is attributed:

The Bible is the rock on which this Republic rests. Under the benign act providence of almighty God the representatives of the states and of the people are again brought together to deliberate for the public good.

The first sentence is something usually attributed to Andrew Jackson, though on no very good authority. (Need I point out that neither is Jackson a founder?) The rest is legitimate, and is the opening of his fourth annual message to congress, 5 December 1848. Except, of course, the words “benign act” should be the word “benignant”.

And last, my favorite punching-bag, the ultra-fake Patrick Henry “quotation” written in 1956, long after the fiery orator’s death:

It cannot be emphasized enough to strongly or to often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It’s misquoted, but that’s the least of its problems. It is ignorance of the rankest variety to believe that Patrick Henry, or anybody of his time for that matter, could have written this—this piece of idiocy.

And it’s really too bad because, honestly, Reneland is not a bad place to visit. Just don’t drink the Kool-aid.

St. Philip

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oday belongs to the apostle Philip, by the reckoning of the Eastern Orthodox Church. Philip was one of the men Jesus specially picked to be in his inner circle, according to legend, and may have been one of his earliest followers if the fourth gospel is relying on some earlier (and with luck reliable) source, rather than just spinning tales as is its wont. As one of the twelve Philip would have been witness to the risen Jesus, and early tradition has it that he died a natural death—and that’s about what we know about the historical Philip, assuming there was such a person.

Papias, collecting his stories in the second century, used to interview people who had known Philip (among other apostles) to learn what he had said about Jesus—what sayings of his he remembered and the like. As his five-volume work is unfortunately lost, we know nothing of what he might have found out. A story he attributed to Philip’s daughters is sort of preserved, but I can’t help wondering if these women weren’t the daughters of a different Philip. This guy is known as the evangelist Philip, to avoid confusion with our present Philip, the apostle Philip. He did have daughters, if The Acts of the Apostles is to be believed.

After that the story of the apostle Philip dissolves into conflicting legends and outright fantasies. He was the very disciple whom Jesus told to drop everything (including burying his dead father) and follow him, for example. He preached in Greece, or upper Asia (take your pick), where, as the Spanish writer Pedro de Ribadeneira put it, “He threw down Idols, built Churches, erected Altars, ordained Priests, and gave a Form and Rule to the People to live like Christians, and like Men newly come out of the Darkness of Idolatry, and delivered from the Slavery of their Sins and Vices, and by a new Light of Heaven, acknowledged Jesus Christ for their God and Redeemer.”

In Hierapolis, “as Simeon Metaphrastes recounteth, [so writes Pedro de Ribadeneira,] he found in a Temple of this City, a strange and monstrous Viper, which the People adored and honoured with Sacrifices, as if it were a God. The Apostle was much afflicted with Sorrow and Compassion, seeing the Blindness of that deluded People, and the grievous Injury done to God, because they gave to the Devil in that Serpent, the Honour, Worship, and Reverence, which was only due to his divine Majesty.” That seems an odd concern, given that according to the narrative “many of [the people] daily perished, some being devoured by the Serpent, and others offered to him in Sacrifice”, but I suppose you can’t expect a saint to look at things in a normal manner. They’re commissioned agents of a Supernatural Power, and His interests clearly come first.

So what does Philip do? Does he go after the people who are feeding the serpent human flesh? Does he force them to stop it, and feed the damn creature its natural prey—or maybe release it into its habitat? Of course not. That would be sane. That would be just. That would be very unlike a saint. No, Philip curses the serpent, and it dies, “and the People were delivered from the Damages they received by him, and better disposed to admit of the Evangelical Light, and the Doctrine that the holy Apostle preached to them.” In other words, the problem with the serpent as Philip saw it was that it was an impediment to advertising his particular nostrum.

I originally intended to hook this up to some observations about the bridal chamber stuff in the Gospel of Philip, but time has run out and anyway James McGrath did something more interesting with the Nag Hammadi tractate. I wish I’d thought of it.

Goddess of the Wild Places

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oday, it seems, is the festival of Feronia, a goddess of the wild places worshipped by the Romans. The Abbé Banier wrote of her in 1740 (The Mythology and Fables of the Antients, Explained from History, iii 189-90) “Feronia, whose Name comes from the Verb Fero, to bring Relief, or from the Town Feronia, near Mount Soracte, was, according to Servius, the Patroness of the enfranchised Slaves, who had a great many Offerings presented to her; this Goddess being in high Veneration thro’ all Italy.” Her sacred places appear to have been located away from human habitation, visited primarily during festival times, during which traders traded, worshipers carried out vows and offered sacrifices, and apparently the usual robbery and skullduggery that infests such gatherings went on as well. Dionysius of Hellacarnassus recorded an incident:

At this festival some Romans of considerable importance happened to be present on a certain occasion and were seized by some of the Sabines, who imprisoned them and robbed them of their money. And when an embassy was sent concerning them, the Sabines refused to give any satisfaction, but retained both the persons and the money of the men whom they had seized… (Roman Antiquities, iii 32.2)

Failure to resolve matters led to war.

Strabo tells us that “a remarkable ceremony is performed” at her temple, “for those possessed by the divinity pass over a large bed of burning coal and ashes barefoot, unhurt. A great concourse of people assemble to assist at the festival, which is celebrated yearly, and to see the said spectacle.” (Geography 5.2.9) So there might have been firewalking too.

It’s hard to get the hang of a festival after it’s fallen into disuse for a long time. I don’t pretend to grasp the essential nature of this one, though firewalking in a sacred grove away from civilization sounds colorful. As the fragmentary accounts of this one come from writers separated in time and space we can’t even be sure that the things mentioned belong to the same festival as celebrated at any particular locale, or era. Still, it’s a glimpse of a bygone time—even though it may be seen through a kaleidoscope.