If

I

f your god tells you to hack up some harmless human being for writing or drawing something, you’re probably worshipping the wrong god.

If your god tells you to deny the face of the universe and believe some nonsensical set of fairy tales instead, you’re probably worshipping the wrong god.

If your god tells you that suffering is a good thing, you are definitely worshipping the wrong god.

If your god tells you that making other people suffer is the right thing to do, then you’re not worshipping god at all, but some sadistic being from outside time and space.

If your god tells you to kill your child, and you don’t tell it to fuck off and die, then you flunked common humanity.

If your god curses a fig tree for not producing fruit in the wrong season, then your god is not a god but a petulant child. And it should go without saying that you shouldn’t worship it.

If your god wrote a book that is boring, repetitive, self-contradictory, abysmally ignorant, and vile, and commands you to read it—or worse yet memorize it—then I have news for you. That god doesn’t exist. It’s all a scam, and the priests and mullahs and rabbis and ministers and “scholars” who tell you that your god wrote it are laughing at you for being so gullible as to believe their bullshit. They know better, and you should too.

Selah.