2 March 2019 is Texas Independence Day, commemorating
the moment when a flood of illegal immigrants into Mexico boldly seized control
of a chunk of Mexican territory and declared it an independent nation. Nine
years later the illegal immigrants completed their theft by joining the United
States as the pro-slavery state of Texas. And today descendents of the illegal
immigrants who stole the state fair and square nearly two centuries back worry
about illegal immigrants from Mexico reversing affairs and stealing the state
back. The wheel turns, I suppose.
It’s also Eddie Lawrence’s birthday. If you remember him at
all—and you probably don’t—it’s for his “Old Philosopher” routine, where he
juxtaposes hideous but comic disasters (“and your Uncle Harold came in as a big
jolly bear, and your father shot him”) with hollow uplifting advice (“Well lift
your head up high and take a walk in the sun with dignity and stick-to-it-iveness
and … never give up, never give up, never give up—that ship!”). My personal
favorite character of his, however, is the noxious guy in the bar complaining
endlessly about modern life—rock ’n’ roll, Christmas, New Year (“ring out the
old, ring in the new—new what? New worries?”)—to somebody who periodically
requests “Will you shut up?” Then there’s “The Visitor” with his obscure bits
of wisdom (“The whole world’s patching up the same pair of faded blue jeans,”)
that seem like they ought to mean something—but don’t. And his endless list of
people to stay away from (“anyone who’d frame a Christmas card from a bank … anyone
who’d play ‘knock knock’ on his honeymoon … off duty cops with attack dogs”).
There was never anyone quite like
Eddie Lawrence, anyway. He may be gone—but he’s unforgettable.
